An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstances. The thread may stretch or tangle but will never break.
Normally I don’t outright post about my relationships. Mainly because I don’t know who reads this blog, and for the most part, I like to play those cards pretty close to the vest. But sometimes some things just need to get out and … well … this is a blog. And so here it goes.
I am currently in the midst of what feels like the most complicated romantic relationship of my life. In fact, as of right now, it has been the most complicated romantic relationship of my life. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves here … I am not someone who gets into relationships quickly. In fact, if we’re being really honest, I’ve only been in two serious relationships in my life. My first one was a long time coming, ended terribly, and took over a year and a half to rebuild what was left into some semblance of a friendship. It’s still complicated between me and him, which leads me to believe that the age old saying of “you can never really be friends with your ex” is true. Where we are right now is probably the best we will ever be, and I am grateful for it. Still. It was a bitch and a half to get there, and where I am with NJB #2 is way farther than where I ever got with NJB #1. Part of it was the circumstance, the timing, and my own personal maturity level at the time of both relationships.
There are very few things that I am currently sure of in my life. I have no idea where I am going to live next year. I have no idea what I am going to do with my life. I have this whole bright future ahead of me, and I really have no idea where I am going to go with it. And that is beyond terrifying. Exhilarating, and enthralling, but nonetheless terrifying. But I know one thing: I know that I have found the person that I want to be with. And maybe once-upon-a-time I might have doubted those words coming from my mouth, but after tonight I really truly believe that this is a big deal. Like a big deal. It’s not easy when said person lives on the Upper East Side of Manhattan, a good 2,000 some odd miles away from me. It’s not easy when said person has a crazy busy schedule and we’ve only been able to see each other a handful of times over the past year. None of that is easy, and tonight I went into a conversation with full intention to put the breaks on what was sure to be one giant train wreck. Only, in the end, I didn’t. And I’ve realized that just because I didn’t doesn’t mean I am weak. And I have realized that very few people will believe me, and most will in fact tell me that I am crazy. And I’m sure I am. But people who are in love with one another are not rational thinkers. Wars have been fought over love. Lands have been conquered. And while that imagery is really thanks to the fact that I have been watching wayy too much Game of Thrones, the point remains the same: I am not weak. I am strong for believing in the power of love, and in fate, and all of the bullshit that are unfortunate consequences of such beliefs. We talked for a good 45 minutes, and I almost broke out into tears only twice which, I have come to realize, is a record for me. He told me that I was not going to lose him, no matter what decision I chose to make. He told me that I wasn’t temporary. He told me that we have a future together, and I yelled at him because I just couldn’t understand why he was being so calm, while I freaked out. And when he told me that someone had to keep calm in order to anchor the person freaking out, and someone had to freak out in order to shake up the one keeping calm, I realized just how right he is. In order to have a yin, you’ve gotta have a yang … or something like that.
Look, shit will just have to be figured out as we go along, and had you told me a year ago that I would be this in the thick of it with this guy, I would have laughed. Truth be told I had never expected our friendship to really last into the school year, let alone almost a year and a half later. But I guess that’s what happens when you meet your soulmate … you can never really shake them, and no matter how messy it gets … you’ve just gotta go with it.
